Co-Written & Edited by Darren Lee
Diet plans come and go, but some are so crazy they deserve a cell next to Charles Manson. It’s crazy enough that people thought of these, it’s crazier that some followed. And if you were one of them, you deserve to keep the weight. And the liver damage. Here are the craziest diets we dug up, and by the way, all real. Let’s start ’em young:
The Baby Food Diet
So the idea (created by the “fitness entrepreneur” Tracey Anderson) is that if it’s good enough for babies, it’s good enough for you. The plan is to eat up to 16 jars of baby food a day with one meal (before you starve). No. You are a grown human being, it would never be nutritionally good enough.
Cotton Ball Diet
This insane diet suggests you eat five cotton balls (or the tissue equivalent of that) dipped in orange juice, lemonade, or a smoothie all at once. Like we said, insane.
Sun Eating Diet
So this is big in China (or at least some parts of it). You have to skip a meal and stare at the sun for, an oddly precise, 44 minutes, keeping your mouth open the entire time is optional. And you should cover up every part of your body because, you know, the idea is to eat the intangible sun rays, not get burnt by it. Duh.
The Cigarette Diet
Back in the dizzay, before the whole 450,000-people-die-a-year-from-cigarettes thing, cigarette manufacturers were allowed to advertise their product as a weight-loss tool. Sure if you wanted to look 50 kgs lighter after chemo, go ahead.
The Beverly Hills Diet
If you were rich and had nothing to do but blow your hollywood producer husband, you’d come up with wacky diet too. This plan advocates strictly combining certain food types, e.g. carbs with fat but never carbs with protein. And you should drink champagne with every meal. Even when there is no research to back up combining food types is beneficial, that last bit about champagne is looney enough.
Master Cleanse Diet
With this diet, you combine lemon with maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and salt water into a concoction (alternatively used for poisoning small mammals) and drink it throughout the day; and laxative tea at night. We advise you wear diapers.
The Vision Diet
Want a way look fashionably chic while eating? This is not it. Theoretically, the colour red or yellow can make food seem more appetising. Science. Wearing blue coloured shades while eating in the attempt to fool your visual-to-brain registration, non-science.
The Red Bull Diet
Let’s take a break from crazy, shall we? This next diet is just plain stupid. A New Zealander mother was so desperate to lose her baby weight that she resorted to drinking 10-14 cans of Red Bull a day and ate next to nothing. She succeeded in losing 99 pounds. And gained a heart attack. And continuous severe cramping and anxiety attacks till today. But, dude, 99 pounds, come on.
Pray The Fat Away Diet
Nope. If this worked, I would have never failed an exam, miraculously won a hundred million lottery, and be impervious to harm. And have X-ray vision.
The Tapeworm Diet
You would have to be really desperate to try this one. Dieters eat tapeworm eggs, which then turn into full grown monstrous parasites (up to nine metres long!). The idea is that it will disrupt your appetite and screw with with digestion and absorption, simply because, you know, a freakin’ monster is living inside you!